It was his brutish demeanor.
No, it was the way he treated women.
No, it was his inability to appreciate a good meal.
No, it was—it was everything.
Sanji had really only let himself consider once what it was about Zoro that had somehow wormed under his skin and itched at him. It could have been some combination of it all, spurred on by the silly competition on Little Garden and blossomed into a fully rivalry.
Despite the annoyances, he could not bring himself to genuinely hate or dislike the swordsman—how could he after the number of times Zoro had put his life on the line to keep everyone on the crew safe, Sanji included?
The thoughts rattled around in his mind as the weeks went by. In reality, there had been little time for thought—not after Alabasta or Skypiea, and certainly not after challenging the World Government at Enies Lobby. Any thoughts beyond survival were set aside to deal with another time. That was until Thriller Bark.
Surprising the rest of the crew, Sanji sat at Zoro’s bedside more often than the rest—dismissing Chopper at times to sleep, the small doctor needed to be healthy and rested to take care of his patients too, didn’t he?
It was in that silence that the time he could actually think about Zoro, who he was, what he had done. It was reckless and dangerous beyond belief and yet somehow it worked—despite all the blood that had been dripped into the dirt as Zoro stood there with his arms crossed, his heart had still been beating. Who knew when he would fully recover from the injuries, but he was miraculously still alive.
“Asshole,” Sanji muttered as he flicked the sleeping swordsman’s temple. Looking down at the bandaged body beside him, the blonde felt a terrible mix of pity, of anger, and worst of all, fear.
Nobody should have endured what Kuma forced onto him, but even still, Sanji felt the growing frustration that Zoro hadn’t trusted that he could handle it. It was clear that Zoro thought he was stronger than the cook, that always a sticking point in their futile arguments, but never did Sanji believe it was an earnestly held belief. No, not until the katana was rammed into his side, bruising the same ribs his brothers had broken years ago.
Zoro had always been a disturbingly heavy sleeper so hearing the gruff voice respond was a surprise, “What’d I do now?”
Sanji’s eyes widened as he realized that he had just picked a fight someone who was still only barely conscious. No, he needed to call for Chopper, tell the tiny reindeer his patient was awake. As he stood to run to the room next-door, he felt a light pressure on his knee stopping him. It was barely a feather-light touch, but enough that Sanji stopped.
He turned enough to see Zoro’s eyes open more fully, looking Sanji up and down before talking again in a low, strained voice, “Everyone’s alive?”
Sanji nodded, not entirely noticing how his hand dropped down to rest where Zoro’s was. He tried to make sure his tone wasn’t too bitter, but couldn’t help some of that acid dripping through, “Yeah, only cause you had a fucking death wish though.”
With his free hand, he patted down his pockets, trying to find a cigarette—he needed a light right about now. Sanji thought better of it only when looking at Zoro again, maybe the last thing the injured man needed was smoke blowing in his face. So instead, Sanji sat back with a huff, “You gonna ever explain why the fuck you thought that was a good decision?”
“It worked.” Zoro’s voice still sounded too soft, too fragile. It only served to stir up again all the feelings that Sanji was holding onto so tightly.
He knew he shouldn’t fight with the man who nearly had himself killed for the sake of others and yet, “It would have worked if I did it.”
“Maybe,” Zoro groaned loudly as he turned onto his side, facing Sanji with his eyes fluttering shut, “But you had to live.”
“No, I didn’t.” The words escaped the cook’s lips before he had time to think, “Well, not more than you.”
Zoro made a slight movement, as if trying to reach out his hand again before letting it drop. Silence settled between them for a few moments longer before the swordsman spoke again, “Someone has to see the All Blue.”
Sanji’s heart caught at that simple statement. In all their time together spent bickering one-on-one or talking across the long table where all the Straw Hats ate, Sanji was sure he had only mentioned the All Blue once maybe twice. And yet, Zoro had remembered. Remembered enough for it to seemingly be a cornerstone to his self-sacrifice.
And what was Sanji meant to feel about that? He still wasn’t sure.
He settled on doing what Zoro couldn’t and reaching out to lay his hand on the injured man’s arm. The words fell out, “And someone has to become the world’s greatest swordsman.”
When Zoro usually smiled it was a full grin laughing at whatever dumb shit Luffy had done, but Sanji had never seen it quite like this. In fact, it was barely noticeable as a smile—only the warmth in his eyes and slight quirk of his lips betrayed the expression. And somehow it felt special, a secret that was only shared between the two rivals and nobody else. So, if Sanji were to cherish that, treasure it even, would that be so odd?
“And I’m going to,” Zoro’s eyes met his again for just a moment before he shut them and turned onto his back once more with a pained sigh.
Sanji took that as his time to stand, “Don’t die before I get Chopper, moss-head.”
“I’ll try not to,” Zoro’s voice sounded even more exhausted than moments before—Sanji knew he really should run for Chopper’s help.
He stayed just a moment longer before leaving, his hand fiddling in his pocket for the lighter and cigarette he so desperately craved.
“Don’t,” he began before stopping, reconsidering all over what it was that he wanted to say here—his feelings still too much of a mess for him to understand, “If you’re going to get yourself killed for someone’s sake, don’t let it be mine,” he added quickly, “Or any of ours—we need you too much.”
All he could really hear was a slight shift in the cot and the quiet, “Fine, fine,” and yet somehow Sanji knew that Zoro was wearing that same soft smiling expression he had before.
Before he could make a fool of himself even further, Sanji clicked the door shut behind him and found the doctor. Chopper was worried, of course, that Zoro was already awake but before Sanji could ask any more questions the reindeer had disappeared.
All he could really do now, then, was to head outside, smoke, and try to finally work through why he could feel his heartbeat drumming in his ear so loudly during that conversation.
The cigarette fell from his lips when he realized.